Alive and Free
by Shadow Padawan
Summary: The holidays don't feel very festive in December of 1981.


_How strange it is to be alive and free_ , Narcissa thought, cupping an ornament in her long-fingered hands. She bounced one-year-old Draco on her hip absentmindedly and looked up at the Christmas tree the elves had set up, at her direction, in the main sitting room.

Typically, they would have had another, much larger tree, in the ballroom. There would have been a ball or at least a dinner banquet for Yuletide. But this year had not been a year for festivities. The war was over, the Aurors were winding down their vicious pursuits of errant Death Eaters and Lucius had gotten his name cleared. But that was all surface detail – nothing could take away the suffering the war had left behind so quickly. There were no balls, no receptions, no grand dinners. Narcissa certainly did not feel up to a single one. Families retreated into themselves – large extended families curtailing their guest lists to only those relatives they felt at least moderately close with. Narcissa understood the urge.

All she truly wanted was to curl up with her husband and son and forget about the rest of the world. She hardly even wanted to go to her parents' house for the traditional family dinner this year. The house would feel terribly empty without Bella. Perhaps, if she tried hard enough, she could imagine that Bella had simply gone to the Lestranges for the holidays – it would be completely normal and even expected for her to spend the holidays with her husband's family – instead of locked away in Azkaban.

Narcissa tried to not think too much these days, really. About Regulus and Evan, her two favorite cousin, who both gave their lives for the Cause. About how Eleanor Bonfante never quite recovered from her brother's death. About all the girls she knew – her friends, her friends' sisters – who had wartime weddings only to lose their husbands soon after. Thinking was dangerous these days.

The mere fact that she and Lucius were alive and free was a miracle.

"Cissy." Lucius's voice was soft behind her. Narcissa took a deep breath and stepped back, knowing she would find her husband's broad chest there. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the top of Draco's head. Draco made a content, sleepy noise and continued to look with fascination at the glittering ornaments, bright strings of light and the magical snowflakes, which melted and disappeared before touching the floor. He was completely oblivious to the thoughts plaguing his parents.

"I'm fine, Lucius," she said, guessing by his tone what he wanted to say. It wasn't a complete lie. They were alive. They were free.

"You don't have to pretend with me. I know you're not looking forward to tomorrow night."

"It's just seeing my parents' house and realizing that out of my sisters I'm the only one left… And my aunt and uncle…" Orion and Walburga had been joining them ever since Regulus died.

"How is your uncle?"

Narcissa did not think Lucius got on with Orion much, but it was sweet of him to ask. She knew he did so for her sake. "Not so well, unfortunately. Ever since Regulus…it hasn't been easy for either of them." It had been two years, and she still could not quite say it out loud.

"Maybe this is a good idea, you know," Lucius mused, taking one hand from her waist to run it up and down her arm gently. "We need to see the people who are still alive, the ones still with us. It's the only way we will keep on living, Cissy."

Narcissa wondered if Lucius actually hurt the way she did. He did not have an extensive family like hers to lose. She winced inwardly and reprimanded herself for the thought. Half of Lucius' friends were either dead or in Azkaban. Of course he understood her pain.

She turned in his arms, cautious of Draco, who began to squirm and make unhappy sounds, half-shaped into words, deprived of his view or the tree. She tiptoed up and kissed Lucius with all her heart. She felt his steadying warmth as he kissed her back and knew that he was right.

They had to keep on living. And the only way they could live was with those who were still alive and with them.

Besides, as long as she had him and Draco, she could overcome anything.


End file.
